I farted. Sorry about that.

Ok, so I'm taking these wicked powerful antibiotics (has anyone ever been prescribed biotics?) for the chronic (heh heh) sinus infection I've been dealing with for over a month now. Also to clear up the nasal area as I am to have septum surgery on Feb. 16th. Anyway, these suckers are "one a day" and I am advised on the bottle that they may cause drowsiness or dizzyness. O....k....

Never had one of those that did that..usually that caution is reserved for pain meds, decongestants and the like. So, I took my first one just before leaving for work, as I planned to eat my oatmeal and banana upon arriving while I started my day...except I had a fucking flat tire and ended up at the tire shop for over an hour while they fixed it. (Long story...boring...not worth the effort) ANYWHO, the pill kicked in on the way to work from the tire place and well...it doesn't "may cause" it "does cause" drowsiness and dizzyness. Felt a bit like I'd taken a hit off the ol' superbong my L.A. roommates used to wake up every morning (Lloyd from "True Romance" had nothing on these guys). Tried to eat as soon as possible, but it was too late: felt funky until almost 2 pm.

So, there's another aspect of the ol' super pills that isn't spelled out on the bottle: more than likely will cause extreme gas, bloating, bowel exiting. You see, I'm trying to watch my eating habits a bit so that I may live to see my son grow up, and that includes making sure I eat low cholesterol (I'm not looking it up, so if it's misspelled, than you can just deal with it) foods like oatmeal, whole wheat bread, and a healthy dose of fruits and veggies. In other words: roughage. Not to give "too much TMI" as my crazy ex-coworker used to say (yes, she said "Too much TMI" which I would always respond with "Really Kathy?...too much, Too Much Information?" and she'd just stare at me like I was retarded. That's funny coming from a crazy person.), but I have a pretty "aggressive" metabolism as it is, and introducing something that speeds that up is like putting extra jet engines on a Stealth bomber: yeah it'll go faster, but is that something we really want?

What this all means is that for the last few days, I've spent more muscle energy on trying NOT to fart than I do when I'm riding the stationary bike. I'm physically tired at the end of the day of sitting at my desk because I've been doing a perpetual Kegel exercise for 9 hours a day. My rowmates and I have a posted rule on the wall behind us which states: No Crop Dusting. This means that you may NOT fart while walking by us, talking to us, or sitting around us. I made the rule, so I cannot just blow it off (I love a good pun) because I'm taking a brown bomber everyday for my sinuses.

So, when I can't take it anymore and am at a good point in work to take a break, I head to the restroom and let go the tension. I've set four personal bests just this week. No gambling and losing, which is a nice by product since I've been standing for most of the releases, and surprisingly, no traffic in there, so I can truly relax and let the good times roll.

I have 7 more days of this pill, so it's going to be a long weekend for my poor wife, who thinks I fart too much as it is. I'm also going to have to make a trip to Sam's to get more shit tickets, because my dukes have been twice as frequent and four times as volumous. Yeah, maybe you're sitting there right now regretting even starting to read this blog, but admit it: you had to see where I was going with all this. Hell, you probably have a similar story. As R.E.M. says, "Everybody poops....sometimes." or was that Elvis Costello...ANYWAY, it's ok if you want to join me in writing about your bowels. It's ok. You're perfectly normal.

One more thing though: can anyone tell me when I ate mushrooms, because I really don't remember eating any lately, but there they...well, nevermind.